My main blog is

http://romanticcircussongs.blogspot.com

My blog where I write memoir is

http://memoryspeaksintongues.blogspot.com

My poetry web site is

http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=5702

My myspace site is

http://www.myspace.com/tender_warrior

and I have no idea if I will use this blog or not.... maybe for only spiritual matters... although that is what my life is. It's not like I have a separate spiritual life.

Perhaps I will use this blog when I want comments about spiritual matters.

Like right now, my mother has cancer and I'm grappling with her mortality.... it's tearing me up....and I'm trying to reconcile that with my views of reincarnation and life after death.

Have any of you lost someone close to you? and you just weren't ready?

Ahhhhhhhhhh

I went out on an artist's date and found more than I could have hoped for. I started out grumpy this morning because a phone call had woken me up from a Neurontin-induced sleep and I coudln't fall back to sleep, no matter how drugged I still felt.

So I went to Ancora and wrote in my journal, listening to Chakra meditation music and the Celtic Twilight series (thanks, Brett). I have been neglecting my hand-written journal lately because of the pain I feel hand-writing. Literal pain, not emotional pain. The meds make my writing jagged and messy and my hand cramps up. But, miraculously, as if to be a clue to how the day would go, my hand loosened up and I was able to write freely.

Leaving Ancora, I decided to walk down Monroe St. despite all the noisy construction. I was going to go to an East Indian decorative shop...but found myself face to face with a Native American shop... different sort of Indian.

I entered and at once I felt a peace come over me. The woman behind the counter, a petite woman in her fifties, greeted me and we then talked for about fifteen minutes - about working in Madison, about writing, about the different neighborhoods and cafes. Then a customer came in asking for her special bracelet being held for her and I went on looking at things in the store.

These things - pots, blankets, throws, purses, jewelry, rugs, books, statues, gems, were all from the Southwest and at once I felt a sort of synchronicity take shape.
Wasn't I immersed in Natalie Goldberg - who talks about the Southwest so much it makes me yearn to return there? I found incense - perfect - from the Southwest. Pinon (where's that squiggly mark above the 'n' when you need it?), sage, cedar, pine...I found a variety pack and I quickly decided to buy it. I am thrilled that I did because as I type this, the pinon smoke is drifting over me like a blessing.

I *know* this smell. I've been to the Southwest ONCE and yet I have such a yearning - it rivals right up there with my yearning to return to England and Ireland.

So next I shall copy down a poem I wrote about my mother. I find I'm writing poems now where there's more of an ... acceptance of things. I don't know how long this peace will last, but I'll take it. I'll take it.

I'm going to New Mexico soon, people. I don't know what "soon" means in time... I can't go anywhere while Mom is sick...need to stay by her...but my inner spirit is saying... soon...soon...you will be among adobe and sunsets.